Some of you may have heard the news about my tastebuds being insured for $1m a week or so ago, and while that’s a very serious business, I’ve been having a bit of a giggle over some of the jokes that’ve started to sneak through on social media since that story broke. So here are a couple that I thought might give you a little chuckle…
The regular wine taster-slash-quality controller at a winery died and the owner needed to hire a new one. Shortly after the ad was placed, a ragged, dirty-looking drunkard wobbled into the winery to apply for the position. Only out of politeness, the winery owner decided to test him before sending him away. He offered him a glass to taste. The drunk sipped and said “It’s a muscat, three years old, grown on a north-facing slope, matured in tank, acceptable, but low grade”. “That’s correct!” said the owner. Another glass… “this is a cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, matured in 50% new french oak, needs one more year to reach its peak”. “Correct!” A third glass. “It’s a pinot noir champagne, zero dosage, 2010 vintage” the drunk said calmly. The boss was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggested something and she immediately left the room. Minutes later she returned with not a glass of wine, but a glass of urine. The drunk sniffed, slurped, spat it out and said “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father”.
(Apologies to any nuns that might be reading this column)
Mother Superior calls all the nuns together one night after dinner and says to them, “I must tell you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
“Thank God,” said one of the elderly nuns in the back. “I’m so bloody sick of chardonnay”.
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The Prospect Gisborne Chardonnay $20 ★★★★
If there’s on thing Steve Voysey knows how to do, that’s create darn lovely chardonnay, and this new puppy is no exception. Crafted from multiple Chardonnay clones grown in Gisborne’s famous sub-regions of Ormond and Patutahi, this is a classic, buttered crumpet and peach marmalade-style sip, loaded with warming spices and luscious stonefruit flavours. There’s a creamy, sexy-fresh finish too, making it pretty darn fabulos with Jamaican jerk chicken. www.finewinedelivery.co.nz
Staete Landt Annabel Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc 2013 $22 ★★★★½
This is absolutely my kind of sauvignon, something that pushes the envelope just a smidge, away from the capsicum and cats pee and into a spectrum of lemongrass, basil, marzipan and intense white peach and pepper characters. Winemaker Ruud Maasdam has created a wine with real tension and tautness – and having a couple of years inside the bottle has enabled real complexity to develop. There’s a splash of delicious dried herbs on the long, zesty finish too. New favourite. Yes sir. For stockists contact wine@staetelandt.co.nz
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The Donaldson Family and their Pegasus Bay winery have put Waipara, North Canterbury firmly on the international fine wine trail. Here are three new releases that’ll have you wanting to take a trip there pronto…
Pegasus Bay Waipara Sauvignon Semillon 2014 $31 ★★★★
I love the aromas of freshly baled hay, lemongrass, dried basil, grilled peach, watercress and scorched toast. It’s one of my favourite blended whites and its’ a wine that’ll totally change your whole perception of sauvignon blanc. It’s a highly complex wine, rich and herbaceous, wth a vein of tangy acidity and honeyed citrus running through it. www.pegasusbay.com
Pegasus Bay Waipara Merlot Cabernet 2013 $31.50 ★★★½
Southern-style Bordeaux blends might not have been on your radar before, but a sip of this will have you honing in on it pronto. Deeply savoury aromas of soy, black olive, dark berries, dusty cocoa characters and dried bay and thyme all cuddle around plump, ripe plum and bold spicy fruity flavours. Caramelised oak and smoke lend an extra layer of complexity to the smooth, velvety finish.
Pegasus Bay Encore Noble Riesling 2014 $39 ★★★★★
Ancient glacial stones and mineral-rich gravels pervade the soils that this riesling grows upon, and during warm, moist days those berries succumb to botrytis infection with renders the juice golden and honeyed. Expect glorious honeyed citrus and toffee-coated stonefruit alongside tangy, lip-puckering acidity and a deeply complex, flavourful finish. Outstanding. Sweet and succulently indulgent.
